(Again.)

In fact, at this very moment I am working on a post about the VERY SERIOUS reasons why I love that I got a nameplate necklace of my Twitter name for Christmas.

(No, I’m not kidding.)

…

2010 is going to suck a lot less.  I hope.

• Old Port Festival!
• A visit from Romy!
• The Portland Phoenix music awards show!
• Miss Fairchild at Empire!
• Tweetup fabulousness!  (My birthday tweetup!)
• Brenna’s birthday!
• BIRTHDAY WEEK!!
• Various wanderings!
• Maine Roller Derby hawtness!
• Rachel’s send-off party!
• MJ memorial dance vigil!
• @Fashionbitch’s last night in town!
• …And most importantly, my journey from #HotGirlSquad to #BaldGirlSquad!

Now, most of the pictures from June sucked so bad that it’s less ‘A Photo A Day’ and more ‘A Bunch Of Photos From A Couple Of Days.’  But whatever.  I’m doing what I can, I promise!

There will be a full blog post soon about my head-shaving adventure, and updates for July are on their way!

(The song of the day is “Bikes and Bridges” by Defiance, Ohio.  Listen now!!)

Even Columbus looks better on the back seat of a bike, and all my fears get washed away in a stream of blinking lights…

I’ve been so busy living like a rockstar that I just haven’t had much time for this little bitty blog.

Honestly… I never thought that the fabulous jet-set, society-pages lifestyle would be so EXHAUSTING!  I think I need a break from all of this Action!  Excitement!  Adventure!

That said, dear readers, I promise to be better about keeping you all updated about the latest goings-on around the fair Port City.  Because I care.  Because I’m a giver.

SO!  Here’s some stuff that happened in May:

• First Friday Art Walk
• GRO grand opening party
• Impromptu dance parties in the street (one got broken up by the cops!)
• Various music type shows, etc.

And so, so much more.  There was a lot of dancing in May.  A LOT of dancing.

The slideshow for June is coming soon – and as always, darling readers, you can follow my adventurous wanderings in real-time on Twitter.

The Song of the Day (Month) is “Summertime” by Fresh Prince & DJ Jazzy Jeff, because… well… because it’s perfect.  (Listen right now, you know you want to!)

There’s an air of love and of happiness, and this is the Fresh Prince’s new defintion of summer madness!

Here’s some stuff that happened in April:

• Will playing downstairs at Empire
• Romy’s visit
• Some more graffiti and walls and shit
• Tiki’s visit
• MAINE ROLLER DERBY KICKING SERIOUS ASS YOU GUYS!
• Karaoke
• First buds/leaves/flowers of spring!
• Bonfire at Dave’s house
• Various drinking adventures with Twitter pals
• WMPG fashion show

…And a bunch of other stuff.  This is the quickest possible way to get this blog out of the weeds.  Surely you can understand.

MORE TO COME!!

(The Song of the Month is “Fools in Love” by Joe Jackson.  Listen now!! I defy you not to love it.  Seriously.)

Fools in love gently hold each others hands forever, fools in love gently tear each other limb from limb…

4/3: More fun with Romy

So, I am completely puzzled by my sister’s ability to get hit on everywhere she goes.  I have never been asked for my number, ever.  Romy got asked for hers the first time she ever went to a bar.  I want the opportunity to give somebody a fake number, dammit!  Anyway, we were talking about this over dinner, and this conversation actually happened:

HER:  It’s because I’m the pretty one.

ME:  No way.  You’re the talented one.  I’m the pretty one!

HER:  No, I’m the talented one and the pretty one.

ME:  Well what does that leave me?

HER:  You’re the smart one.

ME:  I don’t wanna be the smart one!

Seriously… I don’t wanna be the SMART one, dammit!

4/4: Doing god's work.

Now, I’m NEVER prepared for company.  I never keep decent food in the house (EVER), and I sometimes forget that most people have not simply quit eating as I have.  Luckily, our stepmom had sent me home with a whole mess o’ food, including some bacon, cheese, and pizza dough, which I was able to combine with the two eggs in my fridge  to create… SCRAMBLED EGG PIZZA.  Seriously, that’s an 8-inch pizza with the better part of a half pound of bacon and two cups of cheese on it.  Oh yeah.  You know it was amazing.

More posts COMING SOON!

]]> http://thewitofthestaircase.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/a-photo-a-day-april-3-4-2009/feed/ 0 thewitofthestaircase romy pizza http://thewitofthestaircase.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/dear-cute-bartender-thank-you-for-the-drink-but/ http://thewitofthestaircase.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/dear-cute-bartender-thank-you-for-the-drink-but/#comments Fri, 01 May 2009 06:12:29 +0000 thewitofthestaircase http://thewitofthestaircase.wordpress.com/?p=1012 ]]> …Stop thinking that you “know” me.

I know exactly what you’re getting at, but please excuse me if I disagree with your rudimentary appraisal.  Even though you seem to think that it’s your job to “understand” the clientele, I think you’re way off.  Sure, you may see me as a grumpy lush, but you have no idea who I am, where I come from, what my back-story is, or what I have been through in my life.  So I would really appreciate if if you would not accuse me of acting like a “victim.”  I can’t stress the YOU-DON’T-KNOW-ME part enough (…especially since I’m a pretty decent tipper…)  Unless you’re going to provide some new and interesting insight into just exactly why I am the way that I am,  I might suggest being just a little more sensitive about what you say.  (And *I’M* the one that has been drinking!)

(And I’m sure that you didn’t realize that you hit a sore spot, but you did.)

That being said, however, I do appreciate the free drink, and the minor morale-boost.

Sincerely,

A (supposedly) bitter and vindictive regular.

(The song of the day is “Heavy Metal Drummer” by Wilco.  Listen right now.)

I miss the innocence Ive known, playing Kiss covers, beautiful and stoned…

3/30: I love graffiti. This is not a great example.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I have a weird, somewhat obsessive fascination with graffiti – even really bad graffiti and lazily-scribbled tags.  And I know, I know…  defacing public and private property is a bad thing.  That’s why I don’t do it.  Doesn’t mean I can’t like it.  (I miss the FNORD days!)  Once the weather turns awesome, I really want to have some sort of massive city-wide graffiti-finding adventure and photography jam.

3/31: I don't think I could make a LESS attractive face.

On the 31st, my wifey-poo came to Portland with some friends on a whim.  I only got to visit with her briefly (they only stayed in town for a couple of hours), but I don’t care!  It’s always exciting to see my bestest.

We met up on a street corner, and I spotted her from across the street…  As soon as the walk signal came on, I RAN across the crosswalk and launched into a flying-jump-hug, right in full view of the rush-hour traffic.  I’m sure we were quite the spectacle.

4/1: I wonder how much of the world's packaged masala is UN-hygenic?

I snapped this picture while at my dad and stepmom’s house for dinner (where I also recieved a copy of my kid sister’s rendition of Rapunzel – more on that later).  I noticed that the packaging of this “Chunky Chat Masala (Spice Blend for Salad & Savouries)” had “Hygenic, Flavourful & Tasty” printed at the bottom.  Okay.  So first of all, “Hygenic?”  While I appreciate the intent, “hygenic” is hardly an appetizing word, and one which brings to mind all sorts of things that I hardly want to  think about in conjunction with my foodstuffs. (Like tampons, and dentistry.)

But then again, that may be the rationale behind the redundant one-two punch of “Flavourful AND Tasty.”  At first glance, I thought, “Hey, that’s two words that mean the exact same thing!  That’s completely unnecessary!”  But maybe it acts as an exponent?  Flavorful to the power of Tasty?  That must be a TASTE EXPLOSION!

4/2: Romy and her prostitute hat.

After our dinner, my sister Romy (who was in town visiting friends and family) came back to my apartment to spend a few days with me.

The weather the next day was GORGEOUS, so we went out in search of some adventure, and by god we found it.

At one point, we were verbally assaulted by a bag lady, who accused us of being prostitutes and tried to run away.  (We were crossing the same street, we weren’t following you, lady…)

4/2: adfasdf

Our first reaction (after “Wait… she’s talking to US!”) was shock.  We were offended!  Then we found it hilarious – I mean, sure, Romy was wearing skinny pants and high heels and a sea captain hat, but I was wearing head-to-toe black, buttoned-up, with a long jacket, two knee braces, and clunky (basically orthopedic) shoes.  Yeah, I definitely looked like I was in business.  (As one of my twitter followers replied, “Maybe she has a sensible shoe fetish.”)  When we thought about it even further, we got offended again.  I mean… this woman, who was pushing around a baby stroller filled with trash bags, was running away from US, because she thought that WE were the dregs of society.

Anyway, my roomie Maine Songwriter Showdown 2007 Champion Will Gattis was playing pianny at Empire, so we stopped in to  show him some love and set up our mobile media outpost.  (We needed to get to tweeting/texting/blogging/facebook-updating right away!)

4/2: That is a very big-ass burger.

Will played a lovely set (as always), and after he was done, we all sat together and had some dinner.  Will ordered the one-pound burger, which is the largest fucking thing that I have ever seen.  I suspect it doesn’t get ordered very often, since we spotted the kitchen staff taking a picture of it before bringing it to him.  And he ate the whole damn thing, because, ladies and gentlemen, Will Gattis is a pimp.

So anyway, blah blah blah, we sat around and chit-chatted, I drank a bunch of cosmos, we went dancing upstairs, and Romy got hit on by a bunch of dudes.  (That little bitch.)  It was, very unexpectedly, a great night.

(The song of the day is “Happily Ever After” by The Rosebuds, because it is one of my all-time favorite happy sunny day songs!  Listen here!)

I met her at the candy store, she said my life was something more than the reruns on TV…

3/26: This kid is going places.

I suffer from a severe case of peninsula-snobbery.  (And I’m SURE I’m not the only one.)   Sure, I spent a good many years living in a tiny rural town that had almost zero infrastructure and was about twenty miles away from the nearest grocery store, so you’d think I’d have some perspective… But I just can’t help but feel that anything outside of this little-bitty peninsula is just WAY too far away.  Even in the same city.

I recently spent the night at my dad and stepmom’s house in Riverton (they were headed out of town early the next morning and needed me to get the monster to school in the morning), and I literally thought to myself “OH MY GOD THIS IS SO FAR AWAY!” on the ride there.  Less than five miles away.  In the same city.

…It’s gotten to the point where I’ve seriously started to consider packing provisions for the journey.

It’s a lovely neighborhood, really – if you’re into that sort of thing.  But honestly, I took a walk and got lost.  And I used to live there.  Ask the wifey – I called her, panicked, because I was trapped in an endless suburban wasteland – a twisting, labrynth-like hellscape of beige vinyl siding.  (SERIOUSLY you guys, all of the houses LOOK THE SAME!)

Anyway, I eventually made it back and took this picture of the kid’s chalk drawing.  The end.

3/27: Crystal Jesus and Toothpick Cat.

Aaaand this is Crystal Jesus.  If I’m recalling the story correctly, my Dad found Crystal Jesus laying in a parking lot somewhere, and decided to take him home and keep him forever and ever.

Behind Crystal Jesus is Toothpick Cat.  Now, the story behind Toothpick Cat is that Romy gave it to Dad as a present after buying it at a school white elephant sale for like a nickel.  I guess he has kept it after all these years due to some sort of parental obligation – but at this point, it seems that it will be prominently displayed forever and ever.  (Just like my fourth grade school photo.)

3/28: Small Cat is fuzzy.

So I’ve been taking a lot of cat photos lately, but I promise it’s NOT just because I’m lazy.  There was a Pet Idol contest on MaineToday, and given that I have the two most adorable cats on the planet, I was trying to take some good pictures.  Of course, I didn’t manage to load them before the end of the submission period… because I’m lazy.

3/29: In this light, this block almost looks... PRETTY!

I just thought this looked kinda cool, that’s all.

(The song of the day is “So Says I” by The Shins – because the “WE ARE A BRUTAL KIIIIIIIIIND” part is REALLY fun to sing.  Seriously, LISTEN HERE and try it!)

We’ve got rules and maps and guns in our backs, but we still can’t just behave ourselves – even if to save our own lives…

3/23: SERIOUSLY.

Alright, seriously this time you guys.  I know I’m usually behind on my updates, but I’ve never been this far behind.  Let’s get this going.

Now, I don’t have anything terribly interesting to say about this photo, and I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again:  WHO THE HELL PUTS A STEEP STAIRCASE IN A BATHROOM… AT A BAR?

The architects responsible for this should be shot.  And you can totally quote me on that.

And I’m still convinced that I’m going to trip down those stairs and tumble to my death one of these days.  Seriously.

3/24: That cat is damn lucky she's cute.

And this is what my hand looks like after Tizzy rips it apart.  Her claws are SHARP, son!

3/25: Back where they belong - on my FACE.

Now, when I was out with a friend on Monday night, I somehow managed to lose my (very expensive, prescription) sunglasses.  I nearly bawled my eyes out when I realized that they had gone missing.

Luckily, I had only made two stops that evening, and on Wednesday, I set out to try and retrace my steps.  (I was trying to keep my mind off of the possibility that I’d lost them in the cab or on the street somewhere, in which case they would’ve been impossible to locate.)

My first stop was The White Heart – I searched through the lost and found, where I found the two-dollar scarf that I hadn’t realized I’d lost, but not the several-hundred-dollar sunglasses.  Things were not looking good.

I was almost in tears by the time I got to the Downtown Lounge.  These sunglasses are the most expensive thing I’ve ever owned, and I knew that there would be no way I’d be able to replace them.  I was ready to admit defeat when I asked the guy behind the bar if anyone had seen a pair of sunglasses lying around.  It went a little something like this:

ME:  I was just wondering if anybody happened to find a pair of sunglasses here since Monday night?

HIM:  Were they prescription sunglasses?

ME:  Yes!  Very strong prescription!

HIM:  Ray-Bans?

ME:  YES!! Tortoiseshell, black leather case?

HIM:  We figured somebody would come back for them.

I nearly jumped up on the bar and did a happy dance.  Seriously.  I was SO thrilled to have them back – overjoyed, even.  Note the goofy excitement-face I am making in the above photograph.

(The song of the day is “Mother We Just Can’t Get Enough” by New Radicals.  Listen here!)

I get a feeling, you get a feeling, we got a feeling like we’re alive…

I wish my camera was better at photgraphing ACTION!

So, this is the furthest behind that I have EVER been on this blog, but hey, better late than never, right?

To be completely honest, I got SO many fun (notice that I said “fun” and not “good”) pictures at the Maine Roller Derby home season opener against the Charm City All-Stars bout that I had a hard time narrowing it down to a reasonable handful.

Sadly, the Port Authorities did not win the bout (to put it lightly).  Of course, that doesn’t really matter.  I mean, yes it’s a sport, and yes it’s awesome when the home team kicks ass… but even when they don’t, it’s still just so FUN!

Shit got REAL.

I mean, what better way to spend a Sunday afternoon than sitting in the beer garden, watching a bunch of young kids rocking out (thanks to the Maine Academy of Modern Music’s student bands) and cheering loudly as badass chicks with funny names skate really really fast.

Of course, it is also occasionally fun to watch them fall down.  (I’m not being mean, I swear!  These girls know what they’re doing, and as long as nobody gets injured, a good multi-girl pile-up is as entertaining as anything.  And I know that sounds dirty, but GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!)  Unfortunately, CCRG’s Frenzy Lohan took a pretty significant spill, and did not play for the rest of the bout.  Which is definitely not fun.

YES.

Oh yeah, and the Charm City mascot is apparently a giant hot dog?  (Two of them, actually?)  I don’t really get it… but it was still totally awesome.

Anyway, it was a great bout all around, and as always, a ton of fun.  Oh man, I just get SO STOKED about the roller derby!  I wonder if this is what it’s like to be a sports fan?  You know, what with the cheering and the buying two sets of season tickets and all.  (What?  They were on sale!)  I dunno… that makes me really uncomfortable, you guys.

And I made an Animoto video of the pictures I took at the bout (as I said, there were a LOT), and it was kinda awesome, but YouTube deleted the music, so I’ll have to re-do the whooooole thing.  I’ll be sure to put it up once I find a song that doesn’t get automatically blocked.

(The song of the day is “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off” by Jermaine Stewart, because… I mean… COME ON.  Listen here!)

We don’t have to take our… clothes off!  To have a good time!  Oh no!  NAAA-NA-NA-NA!

]]> http://thewitofthestaircase.wordpress.com/2009/04/03/a-photo-a-day-sunday-march-22-2009/feed/ 0 thewitofthestaircase derby1 derby2 derby4